


Profound Oblivion

by English Translations (MistressArachnia)



Series: English Translations [2]
Category: Togainu no Chi
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Choking, Death Fantasy, M/M, Masochism, NOT my Original Fic, Rape/Non-con Elements, S&M, Sadism, Translation, Uke Nano
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 07:27:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18139202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistressArachnia/pseuds/English%20Translations
Summary: Shiki’s obsession with Nano goes well beyond his simple desire to kill him. An English translation of a short story from Equinox's 2005 Ruined Seed Anthology (a Nano-uke anthology).





	Profound Oblivion

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Profound Oblivion](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/503029) by Equinox. 



> This story was the second of three Japanese short stories originally published in the Ruined Seed Anthology by Equinox in 2005. Naturally, as soon as I learned that a Nano-uke anthology existed, I searched all of Japan to find it and purchase a copy. Given how old and rare TnC doujinshi is, especially Nano doujinshi, it wasn't an easy task. Jazmin Guerrero was the main translator on this project, with myself as a secondary translator, editor, and proofreader.
> 
> I adore the author's use of uncanny valley descriptors and behavior re: Nano. <3

The first time they met was on a bloody battlefield. The burning air was pregnant with the fire of war, the smell of smoky gunpowder and blood. The surrounding area was full of pain and fear and the tension heightened. In the midst of it all was a barely moving shadow. The figure stood up, exhausted, defenseless and apathetic, carefully hiding the pure madness in his eyes.

When Shiki first met this man there was but one thing etched into his mind, as though an oracle spoke to him. Kill this man.

* * *

Surrounded by a group of decaying buildings, footsteps treaded upon a clearing in the outskirts of the suburbs, and Shiki came to a standstill. It was time for the darkened moon to rise. The most dangerous period of time for Toshima was approaching. Even the most skilled members of the Igra with their limitless confidence wouldn’t dare roam outside during this time. It was no wonder that Shiki hadn’t encountered anyone so far tonight.

Shiki’s eyes adjusted to the darkness and he looked around the area. He looked out as far as he could see and though nothing moved, there was definitely a presence out there. They were out there, surely, by now though they had disappeared into the night. And then, in the depths of the wreckage, Shiki spotted a shadow. There was the sound of footsteps treading on gravel and the figure looked over his shoulder. It was a man. defenseless and moving slowly. His figure was backlit by the moon and he looked drained of strength. Shiki was finally reunited with the man he was supposed hate and here he was, his feet wet with the blood of all the people scattered about. As Shiki’s figure reached the man’s line of sight, it was his turn to reflect.

The man’s movements were sluggish as though he was passing through water. Shiki narrowed his eyes at the idea that a man without so much as a sword could spill so much blood. The man tilted his head at Shiki murmuring the word dirty, no expression on his face. Blood stuck to one side of the man’s face and his hair had a dull glean to it. Blood had fallen into his right eye giving him the appearance of a demon. Shiki didn’t have to bother questioning how a weaponless man could spill so much blood, instead he clicked his tongue provokingly at him.  

“…Come on.”

Shiki spoke bluntly, kicking up his heel. In the jet black of the night, the bottom hem of his coat fluttered. Shiki’s gait was quick and powerful. He didn’t indicate where he was going but he didn’t doubt that the man was following close behind.

* * *

Shiki headed towards a single room in a ruined apartment building. This room, made up of cheap material and crumbled concrete, was Shiki’s current dwelling. Nobody knew that this was where Shiki called home. Shiki couldn’t fathom, then, why he suddenly thought to bring this man here. Shiki told himself it was a mere whim, nothing else, and stopped his thoughts from going any further. He passed through to the inside of the empty room, the sound of footsteps against concrete resounding all the while. He leaned his sword against the wall and threw off his coat and gloves. Without looking behind him, he knew the man had followed him.

Shiki went into the bathroom next door and filled the tub with hot water; the run-down bathroom was in stark contrast to the brand new claw foot bathtub. When Shiki finally turned around, the man was standing in the doorway, his muscles relaxed and at ease. Under the dull white fluorescent lights, covered in blood he cut an incredibly unattractive figure. Dried blood hardened the man’s hair and the reddish brown blood staining his white cheek caught Shiki’s eye. The clothes Shiki had lent him long ago were so dirtied with blood there was no use for them anymore.

“….”

Shiki moved closer to the man, no hesitancy in his footsteps. Neither Shiki nor the man’s stature had changed and now the man was looking over at Shiki with pale blue eyes of a lost lamb. Someone like this man with his reflexes shouldn’t have even a single drop of blood on him, so what was he doing here looking like this?

Shiki stood directly in front of the man and brusquely ordered him while grabbing onto the parts of his clothes unblemished by blood.

“Strip.”

The man stared intensely at Shiki with his purple hued eyes. There was blood even on those pale, almost colorless lips. He opened those lips for a moment but when nothing came out he closed them again.

Relaxed and casual, the man moved his fingers towards the buttons on his shirt. The man gazed downwards at Shiki’s fingers, showing off his long eyelashes. They were so long they nearly grazed his cheek. His facial features were well proportioned and showed no signs of his age with delicately made fingers. Looking at him now it was almost hard to fathom how he could have lost to this man. But the blood covering him was evidence of an undeniable truth.  

Finally there was a faint rustling as the last of his clothes hit the ground. Without a single thread of clothes on, he showed no signs of emotion or shame as Shiki led him into the bathtub. Oddly enough, the man obeyed Shiki. He stepped into the hot bathwater and sank into the tub. He looked a bit like a child sitting there, completely defenseless, unnecessarily spurring Shiki on with his mindless stare.

Shiki lowered himself into the deep waters of the tub and took the shower nozzle in his hand while the man made no signs of movement. Hot red water slipped down the man while he kept his eyes closed, cutting a graceful figure. The water in the tub darkened to maroon as the blood on his neck and hands washed off. Glimpses of a white neck peeked through his hair as he kept his head bowed. Below it were elegant shoulders and though they were thin they were not fragile, turning into taut muscular limbs. If Shiki looked hard enough he could see the outline of his bones rising through the lithe muscle. More than beautiful, there was nothing impeding the man. He was almost superior to Shiki, who was busy knitting his brow as he tried to tear his gaze away from the man’s body.

Shampoo dripped off his slick dark hair. Shiki used his long white fingers to shake through the hair, churning red foam into the water. Despite having his head played with, the man still showed no resistance. He was so nonresponsive it was enough to make a person question whether he was alive or not. It was easy to fall under the delusion that he was nothing more than an exquisite doll. However his chest rose and fell with each breath he took, proving he truly was a living human being. He had functioning lungs and a heart making it known that he was alive but there were also veins branching out under his thin skin as well as protruding ribs.

Strange, Shiki thought. He contemplated killing this man right in this very moment. It wasn’t murderous urges or evil intent; in fact he felt only a small fragment of hatred. That was what he found so strange.

What would he do, Shiki wondered, if he untangled his fingers from the man’s hair and wrapped it around that slender neck? One of Shiki’s fingers loosed free and slipped down to his throat. He could feel the strong pulse of the man’s artery underneath his fingertips. He could rip out his throat with his teeth. Despite that idea, Shiki couldn’t conjure up an image of this man writhing in agony with painful and ragged breath. The man simply looked back at Shiki with no expression on his face.

Unable to even conjure up the man’s death, Shiki clicked his tongue and once again grabbed the shower nozzle. With no consent or refusal, Shiki began to wash the man’s hair. His hair was thin and soft and Shiki entangled his fingers into the golden threads. Shiki said nothing while washing his hair; it had grown since they last met as though to commemorate all the years that have passed.

Shiki gave the man the soap and left the bathroom for later. He disposed of the clothes covered in blood and chose a few simple items for the man to wear in exchange. He never knew what he thought of the clothes he gave him but not once had he ever complained. Not to say that they had any real kind of conversations to begin with. Shiki had no idea what he did or where he stayed. In all likelihood he had shelter somewhere in Toshima but Shiki didn’t much care about that. All he cared about was that this man was alive and still able to take on new challenges. That was the extent of their relationship. There was nothing more and nothing less. Hatred and murderous intent - that was it. Perhaps that was why their relationship was so profound.

Just as Shiki took the sword in his hand, the door to the next room opened. Shiki, who was resting his back against the windowsill, looked up to find the man standing there staring ahead with a vacant expression on his face. His gaze didn’t seem to be focused on anything at all. His eyes were simply pointed straight ahead. He looked almost dumfounded as he continued to gaze out. This man, almost void of even age or gender, turned his gaze towards Shiki.

Shiki placed the sword in his hand back against the wall and stood up. The pair stared at each other with the same expressionless look on their faces. Even as Shiki approached the man, took his hand in his, and urged him to sit on the bed, the man’s face still did not change.

Shiki held onto the man as he obediently followed and lowered himself onto the bed. The tendons in his white hands were slightly strained. The nails extending from his fingers were elegant and grew even longer the more Shiki looked at them. Wordlessly, Shiki cut the man’s fingernails. One, two. The man looked dead ahead while Shiki evenly cut his nails into tidy shapes. His blue eyes peeked out from behind the curtain of his falling hair. The purple mixed in with his iris was quieted, his eyes dry and not reflecting his ever changing emotions.  

Shiki continued to cut the man’s nails while he remained silent. Three, four. Shiki had never done something like this for anyone else before. And of course no one had done this for him either. He felt oddly calm sitting here cutting his nails. These slightly calloused fingers. Who would possibly believe that this finger, this hand, could so easily pass through a person’s chest? For someone like him, though, it was a simple thing. His were the hands of a killer. Yet his fingers were just as pale and beautiful as Shiki’s.

“…..”

Shiki finished cleaning up his nails and released him. The man flexed his hands and looked them over from front to back. He then tilted his head to the side in wonder as he stared at the broad shape of his nails and their healthy pink color.

Shiki stared at him. He stared at him free of anger, hatred, or fear. Defenseless, the man lowered his hands and looked over at Shiki sitting next to him. There was a reflection of Shiki in the man’s blue pupils, so smooth they looked like the calm surface of a lake, but it was impossible to guess what he was thinking. The pair turned their fixed faces towards one another; the only thing passing between them resigned reticence. There was almost the sense of a shared feeling passing between them, but that couldn’t be possible, there wasn’t anything compatible about them after all.

All of a sudden the man lifted up his newly cleaned fingers and held them up to his face. He took his right index finger and brought it to his lips. The long, pale finger touched his lips before he placed it at the slim opening of his mouth. A wet, red tongue peeked through his lips and his finger disappeared behind it, his tongue provocatively intertwining around it.

Shiki glared back at him. That glint in his eye would have sparked fear in anyone else but the man remained unmoved. His face remained the same, put together and free from signs of age. The man returned Shiki’s glare by turning the end of his beautiful lips upwards, showing him a bewitching smile.

* * *

From inside the room came the sound of disheveled breathing. A white bed carried two bodies on top of it. Those two bodies were impossibly intertwined and there wasn’t a single shred of consideration to be found in either of their actions. Their behavior could only be called violent. And yet neither body, pressed down into the bed, showed signs of rejection. The man’s body was so relaxed he almost appeared lifeless.

Shiki took all of his hatred and put it into each of his forceful thrusts. He drilled forcefully into his partner so that he would know the extent of his hatred. It was a conquest, it was rape. It was complete violence, the kind where it was impossible to tell who was the conqueror and who was being conquered. These were humiliating acts. Despite that, Shiki was beginning to feel irritated, not the fulfillment he sought. The man gave no response in spite of the humiliating acts. He must have been feeling pain yet not a single one of his breaths was expelled with a cry. He wasn’t unlike a freshly dead body with warmth still lingering, and that notion only served to amplify Shiki’s irritation.

It wasn’t that he wanted to feel lust in the man’s body. And it wasn’t that he was drawn in by the man’s perfect and beautiful face. Shiki did his best to drill through that man’s eerie smile, thinking of how his impulses were fueled by something far more dangerous and deeper than lust. It might have been something close to fear, even more than that, a terror that threatened to take hold of Shiki.  

The man continued to say nothing even with Shiki violating him, his legs raised in the air. Save for a small sneer, that was, plastered on his lips. He was ridiculing Shiki.  

“Hnn….”

Anger boiling in the pit of his stomach and Shiki wrapped two hands around the man’s neck. It felt like Shiki was going to tear into the soft meat with his strong grip. The man’s lips trembled as his airway was being crushed. However, there was no end to the sneer on the man’s mouth.

“…Stop it.”

The words slipped out of his mouth without Shiki meaning to and in turn he focused all his strength into his fingers wrapped around the man’s throat. Yet the man’s expression did not change. Laughter threatened to spill out from between his trembling lips and as he looked up at Shiki, there was purple mixed in with the light blue of his eyes. He saw a reflection of himself in those eyes and he bristled with shock.

“Stop, stop, STOP!”

Crying out, Shiki used all of his strength to strangle his neck. He gripped him, full of hatred, as though he was going to tear him into a million pieces. There was a part of him lurking in the dark of the man’s eyes and he tried to deny it. The man reached out and gently stroked the murderous hands wrapped around his neck. There was nothing but love with each stroke even as those hands crushed his throat. White fingers slipped down to Shiki’s chest. It was as if he was commending Shiki for erasing him from this world.  

The man closed his eyes slowly. Rather than peel off the fingers crushing his throat, he caressed them with great care. Feeling the man’s cold fingers, Shiki thought of only one command.

To kill this man, no matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> Translation of Equinox's Author's Notes:
> 
> Hello there. I’m grateful to you for making it this far. I’m sure reading this brought up all sorts of thoughts lurking inside you… hopefully you laughed some of it off and forgave me. I mean to say, I’m sorry. It was a lot of fun to write for me but I know there was a lot in here that was pretty niche and specific to my own tastes (like strangling!), so I was a little worried. I appreciate being allowed to indulge myself.
> 
> First off I feel like I am at the Top of the World (!!) for taking on this book. I’m so grateful to write this short story featuring the fantastic pairing, Shiki X Nano. I just love having the ever heroic and attentive Shiki committing betrayal in the final hour! Shiki is such a lonely warrior! As for Nano – if it isn’t Akira, than he really can’t be tamed, can he? Shiki picked such a difficult one to love, didn’t he? And then there was the moment with Nano in the bathtub! So cute! Getting his nails cut. Getting clothed. My version of Nano, by the way, is him wandering around Toshima after the great battle with his kamikaze jacket and panda bag, so cute! Nano!! I’m so grateful, really! And then there’s Kashiwagi Minato (Kuraha Works) who drew the cover art. I was supposed to use the art for the promotional poster but Nano was so cute and I got so giddy, I went ahead and used it for the cover. The cover design was my own so it might not be very refined but I hope you all are just as giddy over Nano! I just love Nano like this. What a crush! Thank you, Kashiwagi, for another fantastic illustration!
> 
> As for you, the reader! I send all my love to you! If you’re reading this book, I have a feeling you might be a repeat customer, so I thank you for once again reading my work! I’m only able to put out books in such a short time, even niche books like this one, because of you all dear readers! Thank you all so much! I love you all! Love! My next book goes along with Togainu no Utage’s pairing of Shiki and Akira. Lately I haven’t been writing a lot of ShikiAki , so this time I’ll be writing about Shiki and Akira’s bittersweet love. It will be major! I hope you all will be looking forward to it! See you next time!
> 
> 2005.08.19
> 
> Saike Ayako  
> 蔡家彩鼓/Equinox


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